My list of top comics

There's a lot of talk out there about the Great Dane Cook. Dane Cook is very neato, and almost as funny as the other comedians in my top five:

1) Yakov Smirnoff: One joke routine, one schmoke routine. I could listen to communism and vodka jokes all day.

2) Dame Edna: Is it a man, is it a woman? Does it matter? No, it’s hilarious. And her voice is definitely not annoying, it sounds like angels singing.

3) Sinbad: His transformation from stand-up to actor tops Eddie Murphy, Steve Martin, and Robin Williams combined. Have you seen Necessary Roughness? His performance is a tour de force.





4) Carrot Top, the God of Prop Comics: There is an absolute correlation between the demise of "Call ATT" and Carrot Top's dismissal as their spokesman and it ain't the rise of cheap cell phones.




5) The only comic who can be rightly compared to the above? The aforementioned Dane Cook. He has a ways to go before reaching their pinnacle of mildly amusing comedy, but just look how fucking cool he is, I'm so happy for him.

Voting Rights Schmoting Rights

The following 33 U.S. Representatives voted against renewing the Voting Rights Act, which is surprising because I always thought voting rights were the backbone of a democracy, silly me. To begin with it's a joke that this law hasn't been made permanent, but I'd really just settle for enforcement. Shockingly, after doing some research I noticed the following 33 "nayers" are all Republican. Must be a coincidence. Here they are America:

Alabama: Rep. Jo Bonner (R-1), Rep. Terry Everett (R-2).
Arizona: Rep. Trent Franks (R-2), Rep. John Shadegg (R-3).
California: California: Rep. John Campbell (R-48), Rep. John Doolittle (R-4), Rep. Wally Herger (R-2), Rep. Gary Miller (R-42), Rep. Dana Rohrabacher (R-46), Rep. Ed Royce (R-40).
Colorado: Rep. Joel Hefley (R-5), Rep. Thomas Tancredo (R-6).
Georgia (a whopping 6 out of 13 Georgia representatives): Rep. Nathan Deal (R-10), Rep. Phil Gingrey (R-11), Rep. John Linder (R-7), Rep. Charles Norwood (R-9), Rep. Tom Price (R-6), Rep. Lynn Westmoreland (R-8) (This video of Lynn with Stephen Colbert is genius. Get to know this guy, he's probably our next president)
Indiana: Rep. Dan Burton (R-5).
Iowa: Rep. Steve King (R-5).
Louisiana: Rep. Richard Baker (R-6)
Maryland: Rep. Roscoe Bartlett (R-6).

(He's my personal favorite. First off, his name is Roscoe. If there was ever a name that embodies inept hillbillies, Roscoe would be a first ballot hall of famer. Former profession? Scientist. I'd be willing to bet he’s not a Darwinian.)
New Jersey: Rep. Scott Garrett (R-5).
North Carolina: Rep. Virginia Foxx (R-5), Rep. Patrick McHenry (R-10)
South Carolina: Rep. J. Gresham Barrett (R-3)
Tennessee: Rep. John Duncan, Jr. (R-2).
Texas: Rep. Joe Barton (R-6), Rep. Mike Conaway (R-11), Rep. Jeb Hensarling (R-5), Rep. Sam Johnson (R-3), Rep. Ron Paul (R-14), Rep. William Thornberry (R-13).

There you have it folks, your 2006 conservative base!